Updated: Oct 31
In July of 2022 I went for an early morning walk.
It was nothing out of the norm. I did it often. On occasion I'd skip the drive to the gym and take a 2 mile walk by the golf course in my neighborhood and pray and talk to God to get my day started. When I came back from the walk and got ready to get in the shower and I looked in the mirror, much to my horror I discovered a very irregular and distinct tan.
This was no ordinary tan. Not only did I look abnormally dark, but it was not just a dark brown. It was more of a grayish green shade of brown. And as if the color wasn't bad enough, I also now had very dark circles around my eyes, and the rim of my hairline and forehead.
I was trying to remember what could have possibly caused this.
It was early in the morning, so the sun was not blazing yet, even though it was July. But again, I'd done this so many times without incident. It was alarming to look at myself not only several shades darker, but my face looked like I was wearing a mask - a veil even. I'd left for the walk one way, and returned another. I couldn't believe it.
I thought to myself: "My goodness. Well it should clear up soon. It's only a tan."
Only....it didn't clear up soon.
It did not clear up at all actually.
I think that I was still in denial about how it really looked until other people started noticing. My husband would occasionally mention it because he got to see it in its full glory. And after being asked by family members what was going on with my eyes and why I looked so dark, for the first time in my life, I went out and bought concealer, and would often wear my glasses instead of contacts to help cover the darkness around my eyes. I'd wear hats and bangs to cover the areas of my face that were far worse. And I became rather self-conscious when talking to people without makeup, something that I never really felt that I needed or depended on. 90% of the time I go without makeup. And now, I felt like I didn't want people to see me without it because I did not want to have to explain this weird change of complexion. As a matter of fact, I'd find myself voluntarily explaining before they'd even ask about what was going on with my face. I even had a makeup artist ask me: "So how are you doing emotionally with this? It has to be hard to be someone who fashion blogs and has to deal with something like this going on with your face."
It had not hit my self-esteem. I honestly didn't feel "ugly". Because it all seemed so temporary to me. I just knew that I'd eventually get back to myself. I wasn't panicking until we got through the summer, and it still had not changed at all.
In December of 2022 I saw a Dermatologist that confirmed that my condition was MELASMA. Melasma is a skin condition that darkens areas of the face due to sun sensitivity or hormonal changes. It is usually found in pregnant women when their estrogen levels change during pregnancy. It typically starts to fade and goes away altogether after they have had their baby. I told the doctor that I had never had anything like this happen before. YES, I was the one in the family that could not take too much sun without heat bumps forming. But I had never experienced anything remotely close to Melasma.
Once I got to March of 2023, having gone through a full winter with no change, I decided to go see a specialist. She too confirmed that it was Melasma, and offered to place me on medication. She said that if the medication did not help, they could take me through a series of chemical peels that may lighten it....."may" being the word that stood out. These chemical peels were nothing to flinch at in price or process. You have to remember, I'm more of a naturalist. I won't even take aspirin or allergy medicine. I drink my coffee black. I like things left alone, including my body. The thought of paying them a chunk of money to put chemicals on my face seemed like too much.
Instead, I opted for a few home remedies, decided to stay out of direct sunlight until things went back to normal, and purchased a specialized sunscreen from the specialist to prevent any further damage. But I didn't want to buy anything that had chemicals to treat it. I decided to seek God for the best route.
But I didn't really need to seek God.
I knew what was going on, but did not want to admit it.
It seemed so far fetched and crazy.
I started looking on the internet for other possible cases.
I started to ask a few people that I trust and respect spiritually if they'd ever heard of such a thing, or if it had ever happened to them.
But after talking to my husband about it, (who is one of the people that I trust spiritually), and he stared at me and blinked a few times, I decided not to.
SIDE NOTE: I've had some pretty crazy spiritual experiences, that if someone told me had happened to them, I'd be blinking at them too.
And honestly, even writing and sharing this is putting me in a very vulnerable spot. Not because I care what anyone thinks about my skin.
But I hate for anyone to think that I'm imagining anything.
I hate skepticism regarding supernatural experiences.
I respect questions, but am often saddened by disappointment induced skeptics.
There are so many that lean in to practicality, their own understanding, and what they can sense only.
They totally rule out the idea of how heaven invades earth.
But even this one seemed too improbable to me.
But I knew by the spirit that my Melasma was the result of a spiritual pregnancy.
I knew that I was having a physical manifestation of carrying a spiritual baby.
I knew it the minute that I googled pictures of the sun spots on my face.
I knew it when the first doctor told me so.
I knew it before the specialist said anything.
But I didn't want to say it out of my mouth.
But I knew it.
The same way that John the Baptist jumped in his mother's womb, the same thing happened when the doctor told me.
And it felt just too weird to even think it.
I said: "Lord knows that I don't want to be one of them people that overspiritualize things to the point that I'm weird. Lord you know that I don't. But what on earth is happening? Is this even possible?"
Well it was.
For months God had spoken to me about being spiritually pregnant.
It was a term that I'd heard used and overused so many times. I even knew a girl that screamed out in a service: "I JUST DELIVERED MY SPIRITUAL MUCUS PLUG!"
See what I mean? I was trying to avoid becoming this at all costs. I just didn't want to talk about spiritual babies because I had known more to say that they were spiritually pregnant and were not, than those who had said it and were.
I'd definitely had spiritually ordained seasons where I had walked into divine, destiny moments.
But I had never experienced such a pronouncement of spiritual pregnancy over my life before in this way.
God had been speaking to me about the season that I was coming into as not only a spiritual mother, but the preparation that was taking place for me to experience and fulfill promises given a long time ago.
He had been telling me that he was preparing me to push out many things that rested in my soul and spirit that I was not even aware of yet coupled with the ones that were.
So with this understanding of what he'd spoken, along with prophetic words of confirmation that all seemed to come, one right after the other, I knew what was happening. But it still seemed so far fetched.
And somehow, with this understanding, I also knew that it would not go away until after I had this spiritual baby or babies.
I knew this as well.
This was exciting, but unsettling.
The reality that my skin was not getting better, and the possibility of it going away was connected to giving birth to a baby that was not physical, but spiritual was too much.
I had no control over when the baby was coming. And there is no such thing as a spiritual c-section.
I started to panic.
So what did I do?
I took my happy hips right back to the specialist and told her to give me the chemical pads that she'd suggested, and that I had declined.
YEP. The ones with the chemicals in it. They were a suggestion that she had that she'd hoped would prevent a need for a chemical peel.
I paid a nice penny for them, and used them up entirely.
Only for my husband to say what I'd been thinking:
"BABE. THOSE PADS DIDN'T HELP AT ALL."
No. They did not.
It was as if God was laughing.
Sis thought she was just going to hurry up God's process huh.
I am Sis. Sis is me.
I thought that those little pads were going to bypass me needing to deliver this baby.
My face looked just as dark as ever. Each spot and dark area was unmoved.
I knew that I had no choice but to wait on the further development of this baby, and for it to come in God's timing.
So as time went on, my attention diverted from the Melasma to the baby.
As I continued to pray and follow God, development of the baby, or babies (I later realized) happened through my fellowship with God.
He began to give such distinct direction in multiple areas.
And as I cooperated and followed, I started to feel the spiritual side of this process even more.
I also discovered. that the Melasma was not the only physical manifestation of a spiritual pregnancy that I would have. One week my hips ached for a week straight. I'd go to bed and wake up to aching hips.
One day I decided to measure them after my husband said: "Dang babe. Your hips are poking way out."
Come to find out, they'd grown 3 inches.
3 whole inches overnight.
GREAT. This was a dream come true. (insert sarcasm)
Every woman wants bigger hips just jutting out for no reason.
But again, I knew that this was a physical manifestation of a spiritual pregnancy.
My hips had spread when close to delivery for both of my daughters.
Then, as I prepared for the launch of my brand, one day, very randomly, I started having contractions.
They hit me out of the blue.
I'd had c-sections with both of my daughters, so had never gone through true labor.
As they were happening, I said to myself:
"This can't be happening. And nobody is going to believe me."
Again, I tested it.
I went to my husband and told him about the contractions.
He was standing there blinking at me again. I said: "Yep. I'm keeping this to myself from here on out."
God later spoke to me that week and said: "5 centimeters."
Having not gone through true labor, I had to look up the significance of 5 centimeters.
5 centimeters is actually the point where doctors consider a woman in active labor.
Not 2 centimeters, 3 centimers, or 4. Active labor begins at 5 centimeters.
At this point, I decided to fully bypass my own skepticism, and own the truth of my spiritual pregnancy, it's physical manifestations, and how God was choosing to reveal himself through this.
So, to date, I am still carrying.
I have delivered some, but not all.
But the thing that made me want to share this experiences was this:
One day, after finally launching my online store, I looked in the mirror and noticed that my complexion was being rapidly restored.
I cannot even tell you when it happened exactly.
But I noticed that the dark spots had completely faded, and that the dark rings around my eyes, forehead, and hairline were quickly going back to normal.
And just a few months ago, it was not this way.
It's almost as if the moment that I decided to fully push into things that God had long since put in my spirit, and DELIVER them, my physical condition started to change.
I do not know fully and completely everything that God has planned or is doing.
Anyone who acts like they do is proud, simply put.
But I have asked God for the supernatural to be a part of my walk with him.
I have asked for him to reveal himself in this way.
I did not know that THIS would be one way that he chose to.
I want to encourage those with spiritual babies to enjoy the season.
I want to encourage you to carry and deliver as he leads.
It is not just a myth, cliche', thing that we say as Christians.
It is a very real, spiritual occurrence that heaven is actively involved in.
Do not discount it as I did.
I also want to encourage someone and simply affirm:
YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.
IT IS SO.
AND IT SHALL BE.