UNDIVIDED ATTENTION

It had been a very long day.

I was doing what I do at the end of a long day.

Once my family is asleep and there are no more requests or needs, and all of the laundry is folded, dishes done, and emails sent,

I take just a little bit of "me time" to come down from the day.

Did I mention that it had been a long day?

It had been intense.

There were a lot of pressing needs back to back, along with multiple conversations that stretched across every area of my life and responsibilities.

Business, Family, God, Career, Finances....You name it, I spoke on it that day.

But when you are busy, and the areas of your life overlap daily, you do what you always do.

You keep going.

And sometimes this just means that things are not necessarily resolved, including how they make you feel.

But sometimes you don't even feel how they are really making you feel.

They are somewhere, deep down, underneath everything else.

And you don't know it, because you just had to keep going.

So as the day drew to a close, I was in the kitchen gathering all of my snacks.

This is my routine.

When my Me-Time comes, I get to unwind, shut off my mind, shove candy in my mouth, and watch TV for an hour.

I don't have to think about anything or anyone for an hour.

I don't have to answer questions or meet needs for an hour.

I can be mindlessly free for one hour of the day.

This is different than prayer time.

This is an hour of being a human.

I just get to BE. It isn't that it's my favorite time of day as much as it is one of the most necessary parts of my day.

I'm still learning how to take a Sabbath Day. And this includes a Sabbath Hour within a day.

Days that start at 5am and end at Midnight deserve an hour of nothingness.

But tonight, as I put gummy bears in my snack pouch to retreat to my bedroom for TV, I felt a tug on my heart.

And as I kept preparing for my reprieve, the tug grew and grew.

It was slowly, but quickly mounting.

The more that I mentally acknowledged what I was feeling, the more it grew.

By the time that I got to my bedroom with my snacks and sleep bonnet on, the pull was undeniable.

I could feel the Holy Spirit inside of me intensely inviting me into conversation.

So I put the bag of popcorn and pouch of snacks on the dresser, turned around, and went back downstairs.

All of the lights in the living room were off.

The only light was coming from the Christmas Tree.

As I walked towards the chaise chair to kneel, the stirring inside of me felt as if it would come out of my eyeballs and ears.

It was as if something inside of me was saying "Hurry up and get to the chair to pray."

Once I kneeled, there was no introduction.

There was no small talk.

There were no formalities.

I just began talking to the Lord, unhindered, unburdened, and with no pre-cursors.

This may not seem really special to anyone who actively prays.

But let me explain.....

When you have had the day that I had, where you are pressed on every side from multiple areas, when you enter into prayer, you often have to rely on the intercession of the Holy Spirit to pray for you in tongues. He is sorting through multiple instances, emotions, and feelings to bring you peace. We often do not know what he's saying, we just know when the burden has lifted.

But this time, I had nothing to sort through, even with the day as heavy as it had been, I had nothing.

I kneeled in peace.

And my thoughts and words were so sorted and articulate, that I knew that the Holy Spirit was working in me to help me to pray for myself, in English by his leading.

Where I had wrestled and fought all day, kneeling here, I was in complete peace.

And as I expressed all that was on my heart, I was able to FULLY empty myself out without stopping, stuttering, or being tossed by things that surface when struggling to gather your thoughts to express them to God.

It was effortless.

But this was not the best part of this conversation with God.

As I kneeled there, there was such a thick presence in the room.

I've experienced different manifestations of the presence of God.

I've had some very different moments with him.

But this one was like no other.

It was the thickest presence of ATTENTION.

That is the only way that I can describe it.

I knew.....I FELT.....God's undivided attention.

It was as if he was sitting in front of me, with both eyes planted on me, LISTENING to me speak.

I could feel him urging me to talk to Him. And the more that I did, the more that I could tell that it pleased him.

I felt like the room was FULL of an audience.

It was as if all of heaven was there listening to me speak.

The room was THICK, but STILL.

The lights from the Christmas tree bounced off of my face as I spoke to the Lord.

Tears were streaming as I rested in this weighty presence of attention.

I felt like I was surrounded by Him and a host on every side.

The room felt FULL.

I could feel God quietly taking in my heart.

But I felt like he brought company with him because I was the daughter that he'd talked about.

And he wanted heaven to know why he loved me so much.

This is how this presence was translating in this moment.

I was talking like I talk to any other human being in general conversation.

But the room was THICK.

The exchange was THICK.

The reality of God wanting to hear from me was THICK.

He had drawn me there to meet with him because he wanted to hear from me.

And it mattered to Him......

It was imperative to Him that I feel everything that I was feeling as I prayed.

As I prayed, I reached a point in prayer where I repeatedly expressed:

"God I love you so much. I think about you all day."

And this was (is) my reality.

But even with repetitive conversation with God all day, all of my collective conversations and experiences with God had never yielded something like what I was feeling in this moment.

He peeled back a layer of my awareness that I had never experienced.

He allowed me to feel the other side of what prayer feels like to Him.

He allowed me to feel how it makes Him feel.

I could feel my (our) importance to Him.

I knew that he drew me there not just so that I could hear his voice, but so that he could also hear mine.

And as many times as God has spoken to me and answered me, I knew that in this moment, he'd chosen to answer me with presence instead of with words.

I'd reached a point in my walk with Him, and in this season of my life, where the message that he was sending to me was that I have his UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

I knew that he speaks well of me.

He brags on me.

He loves me.

I'm important to Him.

And in that moment, he filled the room with heavenly witnesseses to show them why I am important to Him.

I did not feel like just God was there.

I felt like all that encompasses his glory was in that room, and that I mattered to all of it.

As I finished praying, when I stood up to retreat back upstairs to resume my Me-Time, I could not go far.

I found myself back at the chair, kneeling and crying.

I could not move for a while.

All I could do was absorb the experience of having God's undivided attention, and what I felt with it.

I sat there another 30 minutes in wonder.

The next day I went throughout my day revisiting what I'd experienced, often silent.

But I was changed.

There is no way to be at the center of God's attention, and walk away the same.

It's not possible.

As I journey on, I know that so much will come that will drive me into prayer and discussion with God.

But I will never.....

And I mean EVER.....

Wonder if God is listening.

I have experienced what it means to be important to God.

I have experienced the undivided attention of God.

This experience alone is an anchor to my faith.

I may need convincing on other things in life.

But whether or not I matter to God is not one of them.

Sincerely Loved,

Shaunee Brannan